Twilight Bloopers
by WolfHEARTSYami
Summary: No movie is every filmed without a few bloopers...or Bella rants...or sugar highs...etc etc
1. Chapter 1

_**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight…Stephanie Meyer does…**_

_**Take One: TWILIGHT**_

'_**In The Meadow'**_

Edward: And so the lion fell in love with the lamb…

Bella: So, wait, which one am I? The lamb or the lion?

Edward: *face palm* The lamb, love.

Bella: Wait, but why?

Edward: Because I am stronger and scarier than you are.

Bella: No you're not.

Edward: ?

Jacob: *from offset* She is pretty scary!

Paul: *nods* True, true… *rubs face where Bella slapped him when filming NEW MOON*

Bella: So why the hell am I the freakin' lamb?

Edward: Well-

SM: CUT!

(A/N Did anyone besides me think that Bella would've been the better lion…?)

**Take One: **_**NEW MOON**_

_**(A/N Cannot take full credit for this one, I got the idea of Youtube…search New Moon Spoof…)**_

'_**Jacob Turns into Wolf'**_

Laurent: I can't help, you're so mouthwatering…

-Jaws-like music plays-

Jacob: BELLA!

-Runs from house-

Bella: Jake! Run!

-Jacob gives a growl and jumps-

Bella: *gasps* Oh NOEZ! It's one of those MIXED dogs!

-Jacob stunt-double Labradoodle is sitting in front of Bella*

JSDL: *growls*

Bella: *backs away*

Laurent: *picks up JSDL* Can I keep him?

Bella: O.o

SM: CUT! And someone get the dog keeper!

(A/N: I actually am a big fan of Labradoodles)

**Take One: **_**NEW MOON**_

'_**Bella Hallucinates Edward'**_

Bella: *on motorcycle*

Edward Hallucination: *In Darth Vadar voice* Bellllla! Bellllla!

Bella: *turns and looks at Edward hallucination*

_-Background stops flowing behind Bella and forest (green screen) becomes green screen again-_

SM: CUT THE FAN!

_-Bella stops looking like she's moving and hops off fake motorcycle(that strangely resembles quarter machines in the middle of malls)—which hasn't really been moving all the time—and walks over towards Edward whom is off screen-_

Edward: *doesn't notice Bella* Bellllla! *breathes deep* Bellla!

Bella: *slaps Edward* WHAT?

Edward: *into microphone he is holding* I am your fatherrrrr…

Bella: *face palm*

SM: CUT!

_**TAKE ONE: NEW MOON**_

'_**Bella Slaps Paul'**_

Bella: *slaps Paul*

Paul: *turns red*

Bella: *steps back*

Paul: *bites lip*

Bella: ?

Paul: *grabs cheek* Oowwwww! Bella!

Bella: What?

Paul: That hurt!

Bella: …?

Paul: You are supposed to _pretend _to slap me…

Bella: …

Paul: …

Bella: oh.

(A/N: Silly Bella, We all know you _pretend _to slap Paul)

______

_Does SM have them film both NEW MOON and TWILIGHT at the same time? Why yes she does, that is why Paul recalls getting slapped, even though he wasn't supposed to get slapped…Poor Paul…_


	2. Chapter 2

_**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight**_

_**Why is it whenever I'm about to go relax, that inspiration hits? Anyway… Thanks to the 2 whole people who reviewed this story! You guys rock! =) And that is why I shall continue…**_

_**NEW MOON: (BACKSTAGE)**_

'_**Bella Questions the Script'**_

Bella: *reads script*

Edward: ?

Bella: *gives low growl*

Edward: ?

Paul: ?

Bella: *face turns red*

Edward: ?

Paul: ?!

Embry: …

Bella: *shakes*

Edward: ?!

Paul: ?!

Embry: …?

Emmett: *looks up from Playstation*

Bella: *crumbles up script*

Edward: ?!?!

Paul: ?!

Embry: …!

Emmett: ...?

Bella: *stomps feet*

Edward: ?!?!?!?!

Paul: ?!!!

Embry: …!?

Emmett: ...?????

Esme: *walks in* Hey guys what's going—

Bella: WHY THE HELL AM I SO FREAKIN' SUICIDAL IN THIS FILM?!

Edward & Paul & Embry: !!!

Esme and Emmett: ???

Jacob: *strolls in with iPod* Suicidal, Suicidal… *swings head to beat*

Bella: WHAT WAS THAT?! *slow Paul-Punch*

Jacob: =)

Bella: DAMN IT!!!! *holds hand* OOOOooowwww!

Embry: O.o

Esme: O.o

Emmett: ???

Edward: -.-

Paul: And _this _is why we fake slap…

**Take One:**

**NEW MOON**

'**Edward Calls Bella'**

_-Jacob and Bella are in Bella's kitchen-_

Telephone: _Bring, briiiing…_

Jacob: *picks up phone*

Bella: ?

Jacob: *listens*

Bella: ??

Jacob: Sure…sure…

Bella: ???!

Jacob: Yeah, I'll put her on… *hands Bella phone*

Bella: *takes phone* ?

SM and Crew: ?

Bella: *puts phone to ear*

Telephone: (mumbles)

Bella: *smiles*

SM and Crew: ??

Telephone: (mumbles louder)

Bella: *nods* Oh, yes…of course I'll tell them… *hangs up*

Jacob & SM & Crew: ?

Bella: …

J, SM, C: …

Bella: …

J, SM, C: …

Bella: …

J, SM, C: …

Bella: …

SM: Well?

Bella: Well what?

SM: *face palm*

Jacob: …

Bella: …

Jacob: Is there anything you wanna tell us?

Bella: *nods*

Jacob: And…?

Bella: Can we take a lunch?

**Damn it! The second one was funnier in my head…Yeps, only two...Check back soon, I should be posting all next week. If you can guess the important thing Edward wanted Bella to tell SM & Crew I'll put you in the story! =) Press the little green button and make me happy!**


	3. The Prolouge of Twilight Bloopers

_Jacob:_ **Hello and welcome back. The author has asked me to introduce this chapter. She has also asked me to tell you, to and I quote, "PLEASE forgive me!!!" She is very sorry that she hasn't updated even though she promised she would. She would also like to thank her three reviewers, because they make her want to write more and not give up on this story completely! And now, on with the story…**

**The Prologue of Twilight**

**Backstage**

Bella: -reading lines and murmuring about sugar fairies whom have a small obsession with her boyfriend-

Edward: *straps up Nikes*

Bella: -still reading, but is now wondering what the true identity of SpongeBob Squarepants is-

Edward: *puts in colored contacts*

Bella: -still reading and is now wondering what kind of filling the pie on the staff table has-

Edward: *takes a sip of water*

Bella:-still reading and is now practicing the Spanish alphabet under her breath-

Edward: *adds last minute sparkles to self*

Bella: -closes script-

Edward: *gets ready to run*

Staff: -hands Bella microphone-

Edward: *tapes camera to head* -tape sounds- (A/N: I don't know, what an exact ripping of tape sounds like)

SM: Bella, are you ready?

Bella: -nods-

Edward: *attaches hat with camera to head*

SM: Good. –thumbs up-

SM: And…ACTION!

**The Prologue of Twilight**

**Take One**

Edward: *starts running*

SM: -points to Bella-

Bella: -silent-

Edward: *dodges trees*

SM: -mouths- GO!

Bella: -sways head to drum beat-

SM: -whispers loudly- BELLA?

Bella: ?

SM: GO!

Bella: -leaves room-

SM: No! No Bella! Come back!

Bella: -comes back-

SM: Say your lines!

Bella: ?

SM: -louder- Say your lines!

Bella: ?

SM: -even louder- SAY your LINES!

Bella: -mouths- What?

SM: SAY YOUR DAMN LINES!!!

Edward: *slams into tree*

Staff and SM: !

Edward: Ow…

Bella: … -stares at SM-

SM: What now?!

Bella: …

SM: …

Bella: …

SM: …

Paul: Bella?

Bella: I don't know my lines…

SM: *facepalm*

**The Prologue of Twilight **

**Take Two**

**(Otherwise known as: The Death of Bambi's Mother)**

Edward: -stomach growls-

(Edward spots the Staff Table)

Edward: -reaches for cupcake-

Paul: -snatches cupcake-

Edward: *growls* -reaches for blueberry muffin-

Bella: -snatches muffin-

Edward: *sighs* -reaches for yogurt-

Esme: -snatches yogurt-

Edward: *glares*

Esme: BACK OFF!

Edward: *whimpers and backs off*

Esme: -stomps away-

Edward: -reaches into pocket and finds old mint-

(Edward looks around and then prepares to eat mint)

Emmett: -grabs mint- Thanks Buddy!

Edward's Stomach: *grumbles*

SM: PLACES!

Edward: But?!

SM: GET IN YOUR PLACES!!!!

Edward: -gets ready to run-

SM: ACTION!

Bella: -begins reading lines-

Edward: -prepares to start running-

Edward's Stomach: *growls*

Edward: -leaves-

SM: EDWARD?!

Edward: -goes to Studio Six-

Edward: -gets in hunter's stance-

Edward: -pounces and bites-

Bambi: MAMAAAAAAAAAAA!

Bambi's Director: CUT!

Edward: Tastes like cupcake!

**And that is the end of chapter three! Now usually I don't ask this…but could you PLEASE check out Twilight: Truth or Dare? I really need some more dares before I can do a chapter. If you like this, you'll probably love the way I plan to torture Edward… Aright, besides that, press the review button! Thanks!**


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